2020.
This was a year people will never forget.
A year where we all heard and used the words “unprecedented times.” A year where we stayed in our houses, FaceTimed, learned to make Zoom calls, online shopped, did at-home haircuts, made sourdough, searched for toilet paper, baked and cooked, went on countless walks, ate outside in the parking lots of restaurants, cleaned our houses, saw people wear masks in a variety of ways, followed arrows on the ground in grocery stores, purged our closets, lined up outside for entry, overly used the word canceled, used hand sanitizer until our hands cracked, tried out new DIYs, started podcasts, used sanitized carts, went to virtual parties/weddings/showers, shopped locally, bought bikes, and watched a lot of Netflix.
But in the midst of all of this, there was learning too. Here are four things I learned to appreciate in 2020:
Community
This year, community greatly impacted my life.
Days after Hally was born, people from my church came alongside us as a couple and gave us gift cards, gas cards, home cooked meals, money, and baby gifts. They prayed for us. They called. They sent cards and messages. They rallied around both Matt and I, and we’ve never felt so cared for, loved and connected to our community than we did during that season. In a year that challenged being physically together, I felt incredibly close to so many.
Change
COVID aside, there was a lot of change for Matt and I this year. Spending your days in the NICU watching your tiny little baby inside of an incubator listening to the all the sounds of the machines. Reading her charts and looking at her weight. Eating in the parents lounge. Meeting with a Social Worker. Using the sanitizing machine before it was cool. Asking questions – a lot of them. Watching her heart rate monitor and watching her open her eyes even for just a brief moment. Sitting. A lot of sitting.
I didn’t know what three months of NICU life would be like. I didn’t know what to compare it to, and I didn’t know if it would be okay. Walking the halls on the way to the bottle dishwashing room, reading all the babies names on the doors, seeing parents holding their little ones, hearing the soft baby cries, hearing “the beeps”, seeing machines running tests, tired parents, incredible nurses and doctors, and tiny, tiny babies.
I remember the end of my very first day. I was in the bottle-washing room and thinking, feeling the weight of what the days looked like before me. But I remember staring at the information wall with the CN Tower in my side view and saying to myself, “Okay, I’ve made it to the end of day 1, and 3 months to go.” I didn’t cry, I didn’t fall apart, but I did wonder how I’d get through the next few months. And I said to myself, “one day at a time.” I’ve said that phrase to myself about a thousand times. I’ve told that to people while giving advice, but walking this season in the NICU was the first time I learned the true meaning of the phrase.
We also moved into our new home in September and officially became home owners for the very first time. We cleaned floors, scrubbed walls, filled holes, sanded, painted, and bought some new furniture. We learned a lot through incredible help, and made countless Home Depot trips, and we got to have our first Christmas here.
Challenge
I always knew I was somebody who liked to have a busy schedule, a day fully planned and seeing people. My days weren’t planned – I had NO plans, and I’d never lived like that before. This year challenged me to slow down, spend time with my newborn, and just enjoy the day, as simple as it was.
Choices
This year was full of hard choices.
Do we let our parents meet the baby? Do we let our parents hold the baby? Is it safe to go to the grocery store? Is it safe to go to a restaurant? Should we attend the outdoor event? Should we be seeing these people? Are we being safe? Are the people we’re around being safe? Should we cancel those plans? Should we move? Do we let them into our home? Do we ask them to wear a mask?
Many of those questions I’ve never ever asked myself before this year. It was a year where everyone had to create their own boundaries and make tough choices.
I’ve always loved the feeling of starting “new.” The New Year before us, wide open with anticipation. The anticipation of endless possibilities. Of lists of things with hopes to improve on, and things this current year brought that we want to leave behind. New, fresh starts. Hopes of being better. Hope of this year being better. Whatever comes, whatever happens, I’m thankful, grateful and full of anticipation.
Here’s to the New Year.
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